Essay Jokes Mexican

How many mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Juan (that joke was so retarded I had to post it)

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Why do mexicans have small stearing wheels?

so they can drive with handcuffs on

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Why don't Mexicans play hide and seek?

Cause nobody will look for them?

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What's a mexicans favorite book store?

Borders

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What do u call mexicans on a trampapoline?

Mexican jumping beans

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What do you call a mexican on a riding lawnmower?

Promoted

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What do you call a building full of Mexicans?

Jail

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What does a mexican get 4 christmas?

Your TV

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Why are mexicans and basketball players a like?

they both run jump shoot and steal

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What do you call one Mexican on the moon? A problem. What do you call two mexicans on the moon? A bigger problem. What do you call all of the mexicans on the moon?

Problem solved

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Why aren't there any mexican's in hell?

they jumped the border

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Why do mexicans wear their baseball cap with the brim up?

So they have a place to keep their taco.

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what do you call a mexican who;s had his car stolen?

Carlos

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why do mexicans put there names on their car

so they dont steal them

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what do mexicans and vending machines have in common?

they both take your money and don't work.

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Why do mexicans wear pointed boots?

Because it makes it easier to get over a fence.

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what did the mexican say to the house that fell on him

get off me home's

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How do you keep mexicans from stealing?

Put everthing on the top shelf.

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What did Davy Crocket say when he saw all the mexicans running towards the alamo?

Who ordered concrete?

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What is the difference between a Mexican and an elevator?

One can raise a child.

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What do you call a Mexican with a new car?

A felon

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Why are there no Mexicans in Star Trek?

They don't work in the future either!

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Did you hear about the two car pile-up in the Walmart parking lot?

50 Mexicans died

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Why do mexican kids walk around school like they own the place?

Because their dads built it and their mom clean it.

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What's a mexican's favorite sport?

cross country

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Why cant mexicans play uno?

Because they always steal the green card

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2 mexicans are in a car, who is driving?

A cop

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Why can't mexicans be firemen?

They can't tell the difference between jose and hose b

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Why were there only 5,000 mexican soldiers at the battle of Alamo?

They only had 2 vans.

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What do you call a group of stoned mexicans?

Baked beans

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When a Mexican runs into a wall whats the first thing that hits?

His Lawn Mower

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How do you stop a Mexican tank?

Shoot the guy pushing it.

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What is the difference between a Mexican and a bucket of crap...?

the bucket

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What do you call a mexican baptism?

Bean dip

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What do you call a mexican that can't do any thing?

A mexican't

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What is the difference between a pizza and a mexican?

A pizza can feed a family of four

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What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a black person?

Somebody too lazy to steal.

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What do you call a mexican that is barefoot and stepped in poop with his toe?

A PUTO

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 If there was a maze with with a million dollars in the center who do you think would win: the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, a smart mexican, or dumb mexican?

The dumb mexican, the rest don't exist.

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Why don't mexicans cross the border in 3's?

Because it says no trespassing

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What do you call a midget mexican?

Paragraph because he is to short to be an essay

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Why doesn't the border have electric wires?

Because Mexicans will steal the electricity to power their house.

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Why are Mexicans so short?

They all live in basement apartments.

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How Do You Starve A Mexican?

Put Their Food Stamps In Their Work Boots.

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What do you call 100 mexicans working on a roof?

Chingos

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Juan,carlos,and antonio all jump off a cliff to see who will hit the ground first. who wins?

Society.

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What do you call mexican basketball?

Juan on Juan.

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Did you hear about the winner of the mexican beauty contest?

Me neither.

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What do you get when you cross a mexican with an octopuss?

I don't know but it could pick lettuce good.

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Why don't mexicans bbq?

The beans fall through the little holes.

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What are the first 3 words in every mexican cookbook?

steal a chicken

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Did you hear about that one mexican that went to college?

yeah.. me neither

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What do you call 4 Mexicans in quicksand?

Cuatro Cinco

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how do you stop a mexican from robbing your house?

put up a help-wanted sign

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What's the difference between a bench and a Mexican?

A bench can support a family (sorry, that one is really mean)

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What is it when a Mexican is taking a shower?

A miracle.

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What do you call a pool with a mexican in it?

Bean Dip.

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What do Mexicans pick in the off season?

Their nose.

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A bunch of Mexicans are running down a hill, what is going on?

Jail Break.

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What do you call a Mexican driving a BMW?

Grand Theft Auto.

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Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

Any Mexican that can run jump or swim is in the US!

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Why wasn't Jesus born in Mexico?

He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin. (burn)

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Why do Mexicans drive low riders?

They are too short to get into any other type of car.

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What is the greatest Mexican invention?

A solar powered flash light.

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Why do Mexicans re-fry their beans?

Have you seen a Mexican do anything right the first time?

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What do you do when a Mexican is riding a bike?

Chase after him, it's probably yours!

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Why are Mexicans so short?

When they're young, their parents say, "When you get bigger you have to get a good job."

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What do you call a Mexican without a lawn mower?

Unemployed.

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How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Doesn't matter, they're to short to reach the socket.

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How do you get 50 Mexicans is a phone booth?

Throw food stamps in it.

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An Arab, Frenchman, American and a Mexican are riding down the highway. The Arab picks up an AK-47. He shoots a couple of rounds and then throws the gun out the window. The American asks him why he through the gun out the window and the Arab says they have so many of those where he is from he doesn't care about what happens to them.

The Frenchman picks up a bottle of wine and drinks a little and throws it out the window. The American asks him why he tossed it. The Frenchman says they have so much of it where he is from he doesn't care what happens to it.

The American picks up the Mexican and throws him out the window.

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Two Americans and a Mexican are exploring in Africa and they stumble upon a tribe. The chief of the tribe tells the explorers that they are going to get fruit shoved up their butts and if they laugh they are going to get killed. Luckly, the Chief tells them they get to pick their own fruit. The two whittes pick berries and the Chief shoves it up their butts. They both laugh their heads off. In heaven God asks them why they laughed. And the Americans reply, "The Mexican picked a watermelon."

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A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. He says, "Mom, look - I'm a white boy!" His mom slaps him in the face and says, "Go show your father." He goes to his dad in the living room and says, "Look Dad, I'm a white boy." His dad slaps him hard in the face and says, "Go show your grandmother." The boy goes into his grandmother's room and say, "Mira, Abuelita, I'm a white boy." His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says, "See, did you learn anything from that?" To which the boy replies, "Sure did! I have only been white for five minutes and I already hate you Mexicans!"

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Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?" The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move. The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?" "I will take nothing!" says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch. "What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American. He responds, "I'll take the Mexican."

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An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive" The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps. The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps. This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.

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What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?

Roberto

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As Mexico celebrates the Day of the Dead (Día de los Muertos), I'm reminded of a visit I once made with a Swedish friend to the Museum of Mummies in the picturesque colonial Mexican city of Guanajuato. The perfectly preserved corpses of babies and adults were brashly displayed amid neon lights, fake cobwebs, and other cheap Halloween-esque adornments. Confronted with this seeming lack of respect for the dead and vulgarity of the displays, I explained to my shocked companion that Mexicans have a peculiarly different relationship with death to other cultures. As the Nobel prize-winning Mexican writer Octavio Paz explained in his seminal work Labyrinth of Solitude:

"The Mexican ... is familiar with death, jokes about it, caresses it, sleeps with it, celebrates it. True, there is as much fear in his attitude as in that of others, but at least death is not hidden away: he looks at it face to face, with impatience, disdain or irony."

The celebration of the Day of the Dead – which is actually a week of festivities which begin on 28 October and end with a national holiday on 2 November – is an integral part of this embracement of death that is particular to Mexican national identity. During this period, the popular belief is that the deceased have divine permission to visit friends and relatives on earth and enjoy once again the pleasures of life. To facilitate this, Mexicans visit the graves of families and friends and adorn them with brilliantly colourful flowers and offerings of food – in particular the sugary "bread of the dead" – spices, toys, candles, and drinks amongst other things. The period is specifically a joyous, ritualistically elaborate celebration of life, rather than a sober mourning of its passing.

The origins of the Day of the Dead rest in the 16th-century fusion of the Aztecs' belief in death as merely one part in the wider cycle of existence, their ritual venerations and offerings to the goddess Mictecacihuatl ("Lady of the Dead") for deceased children and adults, and the conquering Spaniards' desire to accommodate these festivities within the Catholic celebrations of All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day. While contemporary observance of the Day of the Dead does include masses and prayers to saints and the dead, it is dominated by carnivalesque rituals to a far greater extent that the orthodox Catholic celebrations found in western Europe.

Nevertheless, in a country as socially and geographically diverse as Mexico, there is significant regional variation in the nature of festivities: the southern state of Chiapas is far more likely to focus its efforts on processions and public commemorations of death than the valley of Mexico, where the decoration of altars in homes and tombs of the deceased is more popular. Urbanisation, too, plays a large role in regional variations. For the south and rural areas the period holds far greater social and cultural significance than in the north and large cities; families and communities in rural areas will often spend large parts of the year preparing for the occasion.

As the anthropologist Claudio Lomnitz correctly points out, in many respects this "playful familiarity and proximity to death", is all the more unusual in contemporary Mexican culture because so much of Euro-American 20th century thought has been about denying death – preserving the life of the citizen at all costs. The existence of this peculiarly Mexican attitude is born of three major themes in Mexican history.

First is the Aztec heritage of the pre-Columbian concept of life and death as part of a broader cycle of existence, which fused with the Christian veneration of the deceased on All Souls' Day into a wholly unique concept of death. Second, is the violent and tumultuous nature of Mexico's past; the brutality of the Spanish conquest where the indigenous population of central Mexico was decimated over the course of the 16th century; the humiliating subjugation at the hands of its North American neighbour; and the bloodbath of the Mexican revolution. These upheavals made it impossible to ignore the commonplace reality of unnatural death in Mexico. And thirdly, the appropriation (or reappropriation from their Mesoamerican heritage, as many saw it) of "death" by Mexican intellectuals post-revolution in the early 20th century meant direct confrontation with the mortality of life became ingrained in the national psyche. As the artist Diego Rivera said in 1920: "If you look around my studio, you will see Deaths everywhere, Deaths of every size and colour."

Learning how to cope with mortality has always been a central preoccupation of human existence. The celebrations of the Day of the Dead provide an insight into how the Mexicans do it.

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